Fuel Points

One Heart, Two Homes

Tammy Daughtery

Episode: One Heart, Two Homes

Guest Name: Tammy Daughtry, MMFT

Credentials: Author, Co-parenting Works! Helping Children Thrive after Divorce.  Executive Producer, One Heart, Two Homes: Co-parenting Kids of Divorce to a Positive Future (digital curriculum).

Business/Organization: CoParenting International & Counseling Center for Modern Family Dynamics

Website: http://www.CoparentingInternational.comhttp://www.ModernFamilyDynamics.com

Why is this topic interesting and why are we talking about it now?
Millions of kids live with “one heart between two homes” in divorced and remarried families. Understanding what kids and parents need in the journey of co-parenting is critical – especially if we want to break the cycle of divorce.

Summary of message to audience (Fuel Points):
–       Even after divorce God has great plans for parents and children.
–       Getting emotionally stable is critical so that kids can lean on a strong parent.

o   3:00 am friends.
o   Have a fun plan when kids are with the other parent.
o   Don’t isolate, find support and/or counseling.
o   Remember that kids love you BOTH and need freedom to do so forever, even after divorce.
o   Don’t fight over ‘dates’ on the calendar, Christmas, etc… give kids the GIFT OF PEACE 365 days a year!

–       Never discuss “co-parent business” at the hand off – the parking lot or at the front steps when exchanging and transitioning kids.

o   Try to have co-parent meetings by phone or in public at McDonald’s or somewhere that works for you both.
o   By compartmentalizing your communication and NOT using the kids as messengers, kids can enjoy their childhood without worrying about the stress between parents.
o   Parents are free to enjoy the volleyball games and soccer games without making a scene or being anxious about talking with the “ex.”

–       Kids adjust to the new marriage much differently than the adults do.
–       Each child will adjust in a different way and timeline.
–       Bio parents, give your kids the freedom to love their new step parent in the other house (when your ex gets married) – do this because you LOVE your kids!
–       Competing attachments are hard on everyone – parents (bio and step) as well as the kids and between the dad/stepdad and the mom/stepmom – it all takes time and INTENTIONALITY to always thing “what is best for the kids.”
–       Blended/step families “blend” like the crock pot not microwave – slow heat, with consistency instead of a big blast all at once. Takes 7 years to adjust.
–       As kids launch into adulthood, if they witness a healthy marriage in a step/blended family they will seek out that type of marriage that was modeled in front on them – just because they are from divorced parents doesn’t mean they will repeat the pattern.

**Kids of broken homes do NOT have to have broken lives. God is the in redeeming business with parents and families!!